My WORST travel moments (For lovers of schneidenfreude)

Travel isn’t all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Instagram doesn’t show you delayed flights, heat-stroke, sun burn and stolen passports. Here are my very WORST travel moments. Seriously, these are truly terrible travel memories. You’re welcome.

Being diagnosed with kidney stones on my first night at a yoga retreat in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE CZECH REPUBLIC

Kidney stones is apparently like the contractions felt during labour, except your babies are tiny little stones that your body decided to make. Okay then. I didn’t want to become a mother to a 6mm stone, but apparently that’s what my body wanted, and it decided to go into labour around midnight on my first night at a yoga retreat in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE in the Czech Republic.

In agonising pain, I downed pain medication which didn’t touch the source and sat in the toilet, telling my mum that I thought my appendix was going to burst on a phone with 2 % battery remaining. Oh, the joys of having children.

I was driven to the hospital and in my pain haze didn’t care if we ran over every deer that kept stopping in the road en route. Whilst at the hospital, I had a tablet pushed up my arse, an injection in my buttock and vomited continuously whilst crying with pain. Deeply traumatic…

My lovely mum and aunty, my real life super women, flew out to save me and the experience was disturbing for them too as they got lost in the wild and were attached by mosquitos.

Let’s just say, not much yoga was achieved…

Travelling back from the Czech Republic with kidney stones

My doctor wasn’t sure if I should even fly home with a stent in place, but I got on the plane. I spent the whole time terrified that the plane would crash into the sea and I’d be stuck on a dingy in the dead of night without my pain medication, writhing in agony whilst this ridiculous stone threatened to burst forth from my body.

I placated myself by drinking my body weight in liquid and going to the toilet every five minutes, awkwardly bumping into the same air steward who must have thought I had a serious case of nervy bladder…

A turbulent flight to Singapore

Turbulent flights are so fun, aren’t they? I really love the way my life flashes before my eyes. En route to Singapore, on a flight that only took one hour, the plane was thrashed with turbulence and dipped low. An eerie calm descended on the plane. Everyone looked stiff and smiled with terrified eyes. Fortunately, a passenger confirmed that her husband was a pilot and turbulence was actually ‘a good sign.’ I prayed over and over in my mind until we landed.

Being head-butted by a camel

I love animals, but I don’t like being headbutted by camels at the back of a procession going along the beach. Serves me right for riding one really. The muzzle should have been a dead giveaway.

Pushing a wheelbarrow full of poo on my period

During my first day of volunteering in Thailand, I was pushing a wheelbarrow of elephant poop up a small hill in the midday sun. I came on my period during this time. I hated life.

Sleeping in a car in New Zealand

Booking a hotel online and emailing the property to ensure that you could claim your room at 1am only to be told upon arrival that you couldn’t and having to sleep in your car until check in at 2am the next day. The rage…

Having my passport stolen in New Zealand

New Zealand is actually one of the safest countries in the world but it is here that I have had two experiences of theft. My friends iPad was stolen from Base Wellington by a man who mysteriously turned up in our room. We assumed he was our roommate, despite the bandages…

Later on, whilst frolicking around a beautiful park, I returned to my vehicle to find that EVERYTHING I OWNED had been stolen including my passport, credit cards, DIARY (oh that one hurt) and my bag. Thank you for stealing and destroying my entire life you evil culprit. If I ever find you, I will smite you.

Getting sunburnt in New Zealand

If you get to the beach and forget your sun screen, don’t just say, ‘oh going back to the car is too much trouble, I’ll just take my chances.’ My chest, shoulders and face went BRIGHT red and I don’t normally burn, but the sun here is seriously strong. Later that night I laid flat in my bed covered in Aloe Vera begging for death (not really…)

Being mistaken for a prostitute in Vietnam

Whilst waiting on a street corner for a friend dressed in red, a strange meek man approached me and asked how much.

I’m sorry?’, I asked, bewildered.

‘How much?’

‘I’m sorry, I’m not a prostitute.’

I don’t know why I apologised for this.

Overstaying my visa in Thailand

…and having to go the border to grovel for forgiveness whilst wearing a white dress as my Thai friend advised me that I would look innocent and they would have mercy on me…

The DNP turning up in Thailand

When I first volunteered, I didn’t expect so much drama. When the DNP turned up to seize animals, I was shocked to see how disrespectfully and cruelly the animals and staff were treated. It was a real wake-up call.

All of these experiences were pretty rubbish at the time, but I can laugh about most of them now and those that aren’t funny, even with time and distance, have taught me a little more about real life and how important it is to keep helping. Even the bad bits of travel make for some pretty funny stories down the line.

What’s the worst thing that happened to you whilst travelling?

All my love

K

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